Esse quam videri

sometimes truly in a desultory mood
I wonder how is it possible that
so many seem to be seeming to

actually be doing something
so that it all rolls on
when in fact, it is nothing, or

worse than nothing
something to cause more pain
for those out in the rain

and for this nothing they are

praised, paid highly, even promoted
feted even and there is so much paperwork
old file cabinets even overflowing

to be gone through to be filed
on a daily basis
with intemperate notes in the margins

about those who've failed in life
so they say, talking among themselves
at the awards banquets

"but we've made progress."
oh they
as if they solved the great equations, parade,

solve nothing at all
and gaze at a person
as if, at a wall, inscrutably

thinking what's for lunch
I have a hunch;
meanwhile, those affected by the outcomes

suffer even more
because they are judged on top of judged
like a judgement layer cake

by those who don't admit
their own mistakes ever
and perhaps these people

the wall people
haven't even made mistakes
but have just been kicked unmercifully

or are something  to be stepped over
even when not stepped on

or else are not seen or heard
except by those who collect brownie
points for listening;

or more and more data, extrapolating
from those
who are regarded herd

a diseased herd at that,
so let's fix them.

and it is everywhere this way.
how long can this go on

I wonder as if trapped in some Aliceian dream or
as if some people would be relieved today
if an asteroid hit the earth or is on its way

right now

where the deck is not only stacked
it comes to life and flies in your face
and calls you when you're wounded, a disgrace

the face somehow they can't erase,

in the face of everything real, everything you feel
it's just
children trying to tie their shoes

while other children trip them up

or cases
in which there is no appeal
and everyone knows this but you

even when there are tons on the dockets
for those with empty pockets

for there are judges
pretending to judge
to be ruling on something

all the time
that make a miserable person
even more miserable

call out to God

because, truly

He is the only one
on some days who will NOT "start the conversation up"

keep the thread going, as they say

who actually does something instead
for those still alive from a thousand cuts

not giving socks to those on the street for instance
when what they really need, isn't it obvious
is a roof, four walls and a door that shuts.

a little sleeping in, not driven from the fold
where rain and judgement
can't seep in.

beyond the games of "let's pretend.'
we are charitable.

mary angela douglas 24 may 2019