we live loving categories
as if putting people in cubbies
were our best practices Chance
to be recognized for our rarified skills our curated brilliance in fact; we love the poor and all their ills and "getting them back on track"
and doing good for them or making cracks. the homeless, the less fortunate ones
which by implication means we assume the mantle of the golden ones.
who deserve medals for "giving back' and a happy nation's thanks
throwing pennies in the kettle at Christmas while they tank
but we don't remember
the colour of their eyes. the desperation
to be recognized as a person who could be known for SOMETHING.
if only for surviving.
we adjudge them failures, ne'r do wells, lazy, strung out, expired.
we wouldn't hire them but many have been hired a lot and driven which is why I think they are THIS horse tired. but
o no one could ever call them colleagues; it just isn't done
speaking as one member of the human race to another
as someone who had a mother and even their own face once.
we dont really call their names except for taking roll
though psychologically we have studied the value
of being affable.and speaking from a script while they imagine
a real person is talking to them.. we look straight through and surmise
we know all about them because we learned all the lies about
what box they're in letter perfect. or what box they're in today.
or where they'll be stowed for the rest of the day if they're
lucky ducky enough to figure it out on their own because
no one ELSE is going to tell them.
and if they're in more than one box
how we shine in our triple trapeze expertise
while they try only to please
to be regarded as anything more than riff raff.
or laughed about when the staff is on breaks
and the head staff, the ones on tv
barely take a look see but go about their day
preparing what to say at the awards banquet.
or shop online for more expensive clothes to be honored in.
while the lower clerks sink into it:the daily grind
there's a poor one going about
a poor one's day shifting in the chair
in a poor sort of way. can't they at least sit up straight
the kindest think.assessing needs.
wait till you drop into the file yourself.my brother.
sister of Dracula, maybe.
you'll see how awful it is to be loved as a file
to be classified and butterfly pinned.
like another species entirely.and referred to learn how to
make up a budget when you're down to your last dime
you'll see behind the strained smiles at the fix you're in
treating you oh so twofaced while inwardly complaining
about your sorry addition to their case ovload and how they are underpaid
when all you want as an applicant is a decent conversation but
it almost feels
like negation.
sometimes, like hate.when you'e made to wait or
referred to ANOTHER agency as if you came there
by idiotic mistake when someone on the phone told you
this was the gate for intake, no question. its
like processed cheese all their canned suggestions
when you're in need of steak
of feeling for just one moment
like a normal person.when you stare at the brass nameplate
on their desks...
all this charity.
this sorrowful vulgarity.
these ten year plans
for shattered lambs.
there'll come a day when
Christ's appraising eyes will say
a whole lot more to you then you ever did to them.
mary angela douglas 16 july 2020;rev. 17 july 2020
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