the day after the funeral I knew I would never go back
it's not the kind of funeral you can imagine like that
just there are certain instants in life where you know
something you thought was living cant be there anymore.
and you're not the one to bury it
not even to take it flowers.
to make sure the grass is trimmed around it.
at visiting hours.
only a puppet animation.
simulation simulation.
in your mind you think all I have to do
whenever the heartsickness is through
to feel ok again is just to rewind the tape and review
to go back to the days before
but when you go back
the cherabim who guarded Eden
meet you at the door.
you're not in charge of it anymore.
the ground under your feet even the sky has died there.
a nothing you could improve upon
not even an address anymore.
and then it was gone.
the shift in the air your queasiness.
it wasnt autumn anymore
and not yet the lightest snow
it just wasnt anywhere
anyone human was likely to go.
and the light altered everything.
mary angela douglas 14 october 2020
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