OFFICEDOM

 

while I am grateful that clerical jobs supported me

for much of my life

I wonder why when I look back

all of it seems now

kind of futile.

futile or feudal?

what was it that I was always so worried about

then

that I would be considered so expendable

as a temporary worker?

that I would seem to them as an office ghost

a person with no other life, surely not

incapable of whatever the people who had

been there the longest were of course

more than capable at.

was I afraid they wouldnt want me back?

why was I afraid

when I believed in God

why did I feel I was always swimming against the current

even to sharpen pencils

to type the slightest letter

even though easily I could type then

98 words per minute, and with happy speed.

I never could understand why they expected me

somehow to wear a professional face

as I only had the one face

the one person to be

perhaps that was what caused the difficulty

I could never play the role

though I could do whatever was asked of me.

why wasn't it enough I questioned constantly

within myself just to put my whole heart

into whatever task I was given

what more did they want?

whatever unnamed thing it was

I couldnt ferret it out.

I did not have a professional manner

oh but I profess that through my work

I loved God, His people too

the closing up of shop in the late afternoon

the everlasting sky.

I remember those strange kingdoms.

and how I wanted to fly.

against the tide that drove me there.

that drove me almost to despair.

I am glad I am no longer there.

mary angela douglas 13 july; 14 july 2023

All reactions:

1Mary Angela Douglas