REQUESTING PRIVACY AT THIS VERY DIFFICULT TIME
why forgive me I do not understand why
as if one breakfast fits all, one
reeling off the wall just a glib tapdance
phrase off the menu off the rack
what did people say before that phrase
if they said anything at all
or did language break
resembling the heart like the snapping of sticks underfoot
grief itself will always be private
how can it be otherwise
even if you have no feelings at all
no words at all saints with their holy gestures
out of sight and friends oblivious
but you should have words something your own
or one word like a single tear
two words like sparrows fallen
three words like the sun and the moon
the little stars stop counting
forty times forty the pause at the crossroads
I dare not follow yet
marking with the white stone
this lament I cannot lift
the sword unmoveable from the stone
the heart immoveable from the fact
the road of how can I breathe just looking back
the road of standing still.
bring me the word of the diamond light dimming down
no word of the frostbitten bird in flight
to other realms. though I know they shine.
better blank silence than a miscreant's phrase.
so cut and paste oh tear the hinge off of it
better the anguished music chorale of the wind
through ancient trees.the howling gulf
yet the lifting breeze of Grace
the heart bowed down and drifting
in noiseless seas.
mary angela douglas 3 august 2023
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