Small Etude For Vladimir Bukovsky On The One Year Anniversary Of His Being Laid To Rest At Highgate

 SMALL ETUDE FOR VLADIMIR BUKOVSKY ON THE ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY OF HIS BEING LAID TO REST AT HIGHGATE

perhaps he invented a new country.

the country of his friends.

together they would lift the heavy skies

as many times as necessary

the miasma like concrete smashing the heart

freezing the small bud ovenight.

their laughter would dissolve the solidity of truncheons

together they would recover the sun

grass would spring up as if in Eden the blossoms pasted

back on the trees as in children's artwork. they would sing.

toasts would be made over light conversation

over the soughing of the wind through guardian trees

I dont know. Im makng it up myself out of my imagination.

I met him once at a conference

he seemed ill at ease. how could he not be I guess.

I read the book about the castle. It became a kind of map for me at

the time. a talisman.

It was a golden thread in a labyrinth I needed to get out of.

I would recommend it even for people in non political personally

oppressive situations.not of their own making. in the end there is

no politics;there is only the personal;the soul with a straw under clay.

you too can go out into the garden. perhaps you wont have to make as

many speeches as he did. to throw yourself your whole life

under the wheels of being rearrested, a million times in your head

truly he must have been tired of all those conferences.

what would he have done otherwise. tend the flowers

listen to Rachmaninoff. I dont know. I wasnt one of the friends.

just a reader. a person needing a different key to unlock

a door I didnt know was already open.

you have a dream. In the dream there is an earthquake.

you wake up or you sleep walk out and discover its true.

it really happened. that happened to him.

it happened to me in a different context.

I did not dissent. But I did not lie.

this got me removed from many situations. kicked out, in fact.

people generally dont like those who never lie.

even in peacetime. this is what I found out.

you have to build a castle in your mind.

otherwise, the world being as it is

you have no other place to live.

mary angela douglas 19 november 2020